There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
