its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
