the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A bitchslap is in order.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
