yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The Olympian is in my bed
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
