Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
