He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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