so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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