Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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