You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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