in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
