dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
