Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
