Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
