I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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