you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
