Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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