I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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