Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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