Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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