I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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