Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
