I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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