I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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