at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
