I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
