His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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