last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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