he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
