So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
