I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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