I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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