Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
