I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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