She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
