My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
