how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
