i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
