Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
