So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
