Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's rum buckets o'clock
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
