I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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