I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
