you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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