Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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