Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
