tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
