She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
