i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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