Define "chronic" masturbator.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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