Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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