You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
