Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
