I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
