So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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