My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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