Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
