You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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