Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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