I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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