HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
