best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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