K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
