Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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