My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
