I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
