I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
