giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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