Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
