Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
