People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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