Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i think i have two assholes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
