I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
