it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
