I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
