I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
