I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
