If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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