Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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