I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
