Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
