You made me cry and you don't even care
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
